It was the eldest aunt of the family who by quirk of fate three decades ago not only lost her husband, but also the right to live, life of choice. Draped in a saffron sari, that also went up to cover her shaved head she did not have any other piece of cloth or ornament to supplement her presentation. A faint ash in the forehead was enough to convey the status she is conferred by the society after she lost her life partner.

While life as such was lost by the loss of life partner and the dreadful custom of yore restricting her in her dressing and make up, special occasions of the Hindus like Varalakshmi viratham, Navrathri, betrothal and marriage reminds everyone the poignancy of some of the cruel customs that are an integral part of the misnomer of ‘culture’.

In the present era where sanctity of the institution of marriage is diluted with divorces not being uncommon, none ventured to question the inhuman treatment to one of the eldest member of the family who settled just to peep from the corner as auspicious and holy functions take place. Apart from treating their very presence inauspicious, they are also denied mere offering of kumkum or tambula or flowers that are customarily offered with pride and a sense of fulfillment to other ladies.

Now, this is a marriage of the girl who was cradled, and christened, with this aunt peeping from the kitchen, but grew up playing with her. Mercifully, the technological development enabled closed circuit TVs to be placed at vantage points in the marriage hall, and the lady ignored by all sat in front of one such monitor.

The purohits and the elders in the stage periodically waved their raised index finger vigorously, and the nadaswaram party that was otherwise busy dishing out some obscure keerthana abruptly stopped and pumped air continuously for a long winding sound. Not to be outdone, the Tavil master too interrupted his rhythmic play to bang it with full force continuously.

Tears rolled down the cheeks of the old lady who was preparing herself to witness the climax perhaps for the first time in over three decades. None gave her flowers to bless the couple, yet as people threw flowers at the stage intending blessing to the couple, this old lady used her palms to bless and almost hugged the monitor in the process. Mercifully religious customs do not bar widows from viewing marriage ceremonies in monitors, and the satisfaction of watching the marriage of the child she brought up brought more tears in her eyes.

As dinner was over people were preparing to leave and some of the Kanjivaram and Dharmavaram sari clad ladies chose to recognise this old lady as they took leave of people. A one-year-old child watched the lady with interest. The intrigue in its eyes turned to fear as it examined the lady top to bottom and came round to look at her face. As the lady tried to cuddle, the child repulsed.

It had a rattled look that suggested that a lady in this dress is unacceptable. As people took leave the old lady was again in tears and the cherubic face of the child went pale giving one a feeling that his generation would have a culture whose dress code will be more human.

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